A year for change

Working as a lecturer is probably not the most stressful job in the the world, I’m sure of it. But it’s got to be pretty high up there, surely?! And no, we don’t get all the holidays off like compulsory ed. teachers do 😦  Cue boo hoo me part: When I’m at work I’m on a hamster wheel at top speed going round and round, the same routine everyday and before you know it, you’re getting ready for bed just to do it all over again the next day. You lose days, weeks, months and very often I’d have nothing (on a personal level) to show for the time. I’d be so knackered when I got home I would totally crash and have no motivation to start anything on my ‘crafts to do’ list. At weekends I would be able to get my creative fix but it had to be on a small scale, because weekends are only two days you know (whose bloody idea was that?!) and soon you’re back to work again. So when I got pregnant with our first, maternity leave looked like a gap year…

That ‘gap year’ came and went really quick and guess what, I had little more than a few ‘started’ projects to show for it, nothing finished. I am the queen of ideas, plans, research, working out the methods and practicalities of projects I want to start and of getting things started. The queen of finishing what I started, I am not. Turns out I wasn’t very in tune with myself, I didn’t know so well what made me tick and I wasted a lot of time being lazy and demotivated (I’ve always been guilty of leaving things when I think I have loads of time, I work better under pressure and with a lack of time).

Soon enough I was returning to work again, full time too (much to many peoples’ disgust… I had many comments about ‘how I could leave my baby for all that time’ and ‘you must be mad’, etc.) The comments never came from the important people in my life, so I could just about stomach it but I did have moments of panic where I wondered what the hell I was doing and what a heartless mother I was. I just wanted to see if I could hack the pace of things. We needed/felt safer with the money and once you go part time, there’s no going back… It was hard but doable, so I stuck at it and before I knew it, we were pregnant again.

This time round I knew what I was in for (in the time between babies I’d learnt a lot about myself, growing older and wiser and all), so I started maternity leave with a list of projects I wanted to achieve. I’m a true believer that you really can have your cake and eat it… If you’re prepared to put in the work, that is and maybe a little sacrifice or two along the way (late nights etc.). So what I’m saying is, yes, I CAN have two very small children and still find the time for a slick o’ stick (lipstick), make my own Christmas gifts (surely, if I start by July?!) and finish sewing the quilt I started two years ago. This time, I will achieve! After all, they’ll sleep/go to nursery and stuff, won’t they? It works on paper…

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